Dabble in Dance

So you see, I haven't entirely given up on this blog! At least not the idea behind it. The past month or so, between scads of homework, work, and personal crises, I haven't had time for much, but I have squeezed in roughly an hour and a half every Monday for a hip-hop class.

This fact was greeted to shock and dismay by many of my friends and acquaintances as I am a) not into hip hop music, b) not into dance, and c) criminally uncoordinated. But in spite of all those things, I'M DOIN' IT! And you know what, it's really fun. I'm taking the class with a couple friends, which helps, but the moves and the workout are really satisfying in and of themselves. I was discussing with a classmate today how dance is stimulating for both mind and body. As beginners, criminally uncoordinated ones to boot, it takes an incredible amount of focus to remember the steps in our routines, much less execute them in a manner that does not look entirely ridiculous or result in the injury of ourselves or passers-by. So it gives you the opportunity to free your mind of all its current troubles, whilst releasing all those lovely endorphins from the exercise. Hello, stress relief!

I still have two left feet and sometimes it seems like an overabundance of arms flailing about, but I am learning the steps, I'm totally sold on dance, and I'm even starting to like some of the songs we dance to. Last Monday, we did a particularly satisfying routine, which was created by choreographers Napoleon and Tabitha for National Dance Day, and is viewable for your own learning pleasure HERE! It's upbeat, it's fun, and the song is catchy! I still cringe when I hear the title ("Club Can't Handle Me" - Flo Rida) but so long as I avoid the lyrics, I enjoy the beat.

I'm not gonna say everyone can do this, but I will say that there were more than 1 unlikely cases in my class, and we're all doing just fine. I think it's worth a try. Sign up for a dance class, or sign up for any sort of class or activity at a community center for that matter. There's a million more things I would have done if I had more time and money. One's a start, though.

The current session goes for another couple of weeks, and I've already decided that I'd like to continue if there's another session in 2011. I've also got a friend interested in ballroom dancing, so who knows? If I keep this up, maybe someday I'll be able to walk down a whole set of stairs without falling!

Screams in the valley

Why can't I just sit still?

This semester has possibly been the longest, hardest, most emotional and frustrating few months of my life. The whole year hasn't been for me, and it's been downright awful for a lot of my close friends as well. I can't help but get this feeling of impending doom.

I know negativity isn't the answer, in fact, it's probably a large part of the problem and something that I have personally drenched people in on many occasions. But I like to think that there's a lot of compassion in people, and how can you stay positive when day in and out, you watch misery after misery befall the ones you love? It's difficult, is all. It's easier not to care, but then where do you find yourself? Who are we but the imprint that we leave on others? There's so many people, so many problems, and we're lazy. I need to practice positivity. I need to get myself out of this funk, I need to get my generation out of this funk. I need to blow more bubbles, dance more, sing more, offer the cover of my umbrella to more people standing in the rain. Random acts of kindness change the world.

I often find myself trapped in a vicious battle between self-loathing and narcissism, particularly when it comes to stuff like "good deeds". When I feel I've done something particularly "good", I get an enormous amount of self-satisfaction and then feel extraordinarily guilty for my undoubtedly selfish reasons for performing said deed. Similarly, I think we all encounter situations in which we believe ourselves to be the moral/emotional/mental/physical superior of others. And even when something rolls along and reminds me how small and insignificant I am, I sometimes feel simultaneously shattered and yet smug that I should be so insightful as to come to this realization. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I see myself as if I'm not myself, and I just think, "What an ugly girl". On some nights, I cry myself to sleep like an infant for reasons I can't articulate, and tell myself that no one understands. But people do understand. I talk to them about it and it sounds petty and childish. Many things, when I finally get the nerve to talk about them, are petty and childish. The words begin to lose shape and integrity as they fall out of my mouth and 9 times out of 10 the statement has turned into a shared joke before I've reached the end of it. I think it's about perspective.

But falling into that pattern of self love/hate nevertheless puts an itch in my heart that only the strong winds of change can scratch. For as long as I can remember, I've acted out against depression. Many of these actions have been hair-related. I've chopped off all my hair several times and dyed it almost every colour of the rainbow to fight constancy. I've quit school to work. I've quit work to travel Europe and live in Germany. While in Germany, I chopped off my hair myself, for the first time. I also took several impractical, impromptu trips to Sweden, in pursuit of adventure and a doomed romance. After that, I bungee-jumped 180 meters off of a parasail. You get the picture.

Now that I've upped the ante, a haircut alone just doesn't do it anymore. But I'm at that place, the eye of the storm, the calm that follows the chaos and inevitably precedes more chaos, and I can't stand it. I want adventure, intrigue. I think we'd all be better people if we had a little more of it. But it just gets harder and harder to get that satisfaction. I don't have money. I don't have a lot of time. I need people, and a storyline, and a reason to keep turning the pages. I want to be excited about life again! My friend and I spoke a few days ago about how we used to have sleepovers. We would stay up all night talking about our lives, loves, beliefs (in elementary fashion) and whatever else the time called for. Now, if we stay anywhere together, we just sleep. For so long, there were things that could only be said in the darkness and quiet safety of night. What can we say now? What else can we discover? What else should we discover?

I think if we were all truly honest and frank with one another, then we could learn a lot more about people in general, but it's hard to be that honest. Especially if you don't know what you're being honest about. If you stuck any two people in a room for 3 days, what would they find out about each other? Would anything besides small talk even come up? I guess it depends on the people, but I've always been curious as to how I would react in that situation. I'd almost like to try it. I'm completely useless at articulating myself on the fly, and I'm a terrible conversationalist in any and all regards, but I would want so badly to take advantage of the opportunity that I wonder if I could overcome it. Sometimes I just think it would be amazing to have that chance to talk, really talk, with someone that you never would have been able to/thought to otherwise.

Realistically, I have a feeling that if I were in that situation, we might get as far as names of immediate family members by day 3. I can be cripplingly shy. Everything I've written here, just now... I wouldn't say it aloud to most people. I couldn't even read it off the page. I'm trying to be honest right now, and it's really difficult for me to put that much of myself out there. I'm always kind of worried about weirding people out.

Sigh. It's late, and I'm not even sure what I'm talking about anymore. I guess what I'm saying is, I want to cut my hair, take another road trip to the island and end up stuck somewhere with a friend/stranger for several days with no outside contact. That's totally normal, right?

Don't be alarmed. Goodnight.

Lemon Vegan Cheesecake

This picture is totally unrelated to the following entry.

Ok, I admit that I'll probably continue to neglect this blog and only update on a sporadic basis. I've had half an entry on my road trip sitting in my draft box for weeks, and I'm not entirely sure I'll ever finish it. But I promise you, this vital recipe will very nearly atone for my lack of dedication.

Chances are fairly good, in today's environmentally trendy world, that you are associated with at least one person who is, or tells people they are vegan. If not that, then you certainly know someone who's body just can't deal with the dairy. Lactose intolerance is quite common in many world cultures, so if you don't know either of these people yet, you will.

SITUATION!

Said person is coming over for a dinner party! The main course? Psh, no problem, you've got a wicked vegetable curry up your sleeve. But what are you going to do for dessert?! Your aunt Gertrude made a fierce cheesecake, and you really want to share that joy with your calcium deprived comrades!

Impossible, right?

WRONG.

Vegan cheesecake is one thing. But vegan cheesecake approved by a genuine cheesecake lover? That is an entirely different story. That is the story I'm going to tell you today. The title?

The Mystical Lemon Vegan Cheesecake of Wonders

It started out with a simple vegan cheesecake recipe I found online. It was quick and easy, and reasonably tasty, but it was just so...vegan. The texture was too airy and there was a slight soy aftertaste. It was good, but it wasn't cheesecake. To be honest, this recipe still isn't cheesecake. If I had chosen to opt for pricey "wannabe dairy" products like Tofutti's Better Than Cream Cheese, maybe we would be a little closer to the real thing, but until I modify this recipe further, this is a good alternative that won't make your vegan feel like they're cheating.

So this is what you need:

500 g medium smooth tofu

1/2 cup coconut milk

2/3 cup sugar

1 tbsp lemon zest

juice of one lemon

Optional:

1/4 cup of flour, depending on your preferred firmness

Add a little lime juice

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit (175 Celsius).

The crust is a graham cracker crust. For a 9" cake, I used a heaping cup of crumbs, mixed with a couple tablespoons brown sugar, a dash of cinnamon, a pinch of salt, and just enough canola oil to give me some fairly large clumps. Then just dump it all in your chosen pan (a springform works nicely for cheesecakes) and press it flat against the bottom, as evenly as you can. My crust was still a bit crumbly, so next time I might try replacing the sugar with maple syrup, and hopefully that will improve the consistency.

The rest is as simple as accumulating all the ingredients and throwing them in the blender! Dry off your tofu in a paper towel, and cut it into some manageable chunks. Everything else, just toss it in on top.

The coconut milk is key to this recipe. I saw a lot of recipes with soy milk, but soy milk lacks both the neutral taste and the creamy texture that coconut milk provides. It does contain saturated fats, but in small amounts that are supposedly beneficial to your health, so while you wouldn't want to drink it, it's perfect for adding richness to vegan cooking or baking.

Once blended, your ingredients should resemble a thick pudding. Feel free to taste at this point to see if it needs more of anything. If it's too runny, add some flour.

When you are sufficiently pleased with your mixture, pour it onto your pressed crust and pop it into your preheated oven. If you are using a springform pan, I would recommend placing it on top of another baking pan, in case any oil or liquid leaks through and causes a smoky, smelly mess. Leave it in the oven for about 50 minutes, or until lightly browned around the edges, and then take it out to cool. Then refrigerate for at least a couple of hours before serving. It's lovely on it's own or with some fresh berries or sauce to top it off!

If you want more of a New York style cheesecake, take out the lemon, add the flour, add more sugar (maybe brown sugar?) with a bit of vanilla extract. Try it with an oreo crust! Or try a different flavor! Mango would be nice. But whatever you do, try it! Even if you're not vegan, or lactose intolerant, it never hurts to expand your horizons.

Voila! Bon appetit!

**UPDATE: This tastes even better after a couple of days in the refrigerator!**